Gf with bipolar....

[jollycman]

Hi all
Im new to this....
I have been living with my gf for just over 18 months now at for the first 12 months she controlled her condition very well there were ups and downs but all in all she was very stable. In the last 5 or 6 months she has started to become unravelled now I can understand that most of the things she screams about are now meant to be personal and that in because of the condition she has …… But bloody hell it is hard not to think I am the cause of all the worlds problems….
Lol

Don’t get me wrong I love this woman very much (when things are good and that is 95% of the time , they are better than any other relationship I have ever been in!)

 But then it starts …….and I do ignore 90% of what is said in the heat of her rants .. But after hours of being yelled at , being told I am the worst bf she has ever had, being told I am unfaithful, being told that all the food I cook is crap ( I work as a chef at Hilton Hotel in Brisbane Qld) It gets a little hard to handle…
So my question is this – How can a relationship with a bipolar person survive?
Hope this makes sense, yes I guess I am just ranting now lol
John

[Dreamline]

Sounds like she really needs to see her doctor and get her meds adjusted anytime this crap starts.  You can't make her go unless she's a danger to herself or others...but that's something that could be discussed when she's level for sure.  Like you both agree on a protocol...like you notice her getting speedy and sleeping less...you can say to her you noticed that and she agrees to nip it in the butt.  That is a pain in the ass to go through that with her flipping out on you.  I know I am a pain in the ass to everyone around me when I am manic and I have to be the one who realizes ok, I need to see the doc.  They are not supportive and are somewhat against me being on meds.  It makes it really hard for me but see you're supportive and she should realize she's got it good and you are on her side.  Make sense?

[Phyllis]

Hi John -

I commend you for sticking by your partner during this difficult time. That is the best thing you can do, even though it can be very tiresome and aggravating. I think what Dreamline said, have a chat with her while she is somewhat stable and make a game plan on what to do when she gets manic or depressed is an excellent idea. Hang in there! We will try to help you as best as we can.

[jollycman]

I would like to thank both of you for your advice.. I never fully understood how someone can feel so alone in a relationship until now... I will keep you posted thank you again
John

[the don]

My girlfriend is bipolar too. she seems to have the opposite kinds of episodes, seh gets really depressed and self loathing. I've noticed that when she is having an episode, she just isn't the same person, so I really can't find it in me to hold anything she says or does when she's in that state against her, no matter how much it should hurt me. when she was in a manic phase, one of my best friends got her to cheat on me, and I still love her very much.
I suggest that when she gets like she does for you, you should treat her like you would your boss at work. just take her insults in one ear and out the other, and keep in mind that she doesn't really mean it, and don't fight back, because that will only add more fule to her irrational rage. Instead, try to be supportive and understanding, tell her that you know she really doesn't mean what she's saying, and if you can get a a few sentances in, try to explain how irrational what she's saying really is, in the least abrasive way that you can, also tell her that you love her unconditionally, and that by saying those things that she's only hurting the one person who loves her more than anyone else in her life. just try to get her to realize what she's doing, and also tell her what state of mind sha appears to be in, because they usually won't pick up on it.
I hope my advice helps. good luck with your girl.

[cadno]

Well I can come in from the boot camp of being the person who dishes out the rants and abuse.  How on earth my wife is still with me is a major miracle......or is it?

In reality what happened to us was that we split a few times and ultimately it led to me getting diagnosed and us rethinking the whole relationship.  What others have said about talking a creating a game plan is the best advice you could ever have.  I know it must be hard with her throwing everything at you but I want you to think of the flip side to.  Correct me if I'm wrong but when she becomes stable again is she literally torn with guilt?

Living with bipolar is a 24/7 thing and there are good times and bad times.  If you really want to stay with her take advantage of places like this, learn as much as you can about the condition and then in turn help let it create a better understanding between you.  I also agree that if things are getting bad an appointment with her doc is a must.  One thing that's got me though, funny enough its due to Paz helping me in another thread, is there anything recently that has changed that could be creating a different environment for you both.  Its a funny thing but I know that even small changes in everyday living have huge impacts on my ability to cope.  Believe me when I say they could be trivial things such as redecorating, changing the layout of a room, anything like that.  This is from my own personal observations and others my not agree, but I do believe that these things can trigger thought processes that lead to episodes.

Rich

[Dreamline]

Also just getting rid of clutter will un-clutter your mind I swear.  Having some empty space around you is peaceful.  I love hanging up a trippy tapestry, sometimes to cover something or just to change the atmosphere.

[cadno]

I do that with posters!!!

Also I sometimes have a weird moment with watercolours and just go mad, its funny how doing little things work so amazingly well.  That's actually another good point, what hobbies does your GF have?

Trust me there is nothing worse than sitting there and letting boredom in for a bipolar, its like krytonite, boredom equals thinking too much and that can lead to unstable moods!!

Rich

[Phyllis]

 OMG! Don't get me started about over thinking!!!! That is some bad stuff for us who have BP - it seems like the thoughts just continue and never stop. To infinity and beyond!!!! My favorite lyric from tool - "Over thinking, over analyzing, separates the body from the mind."