Tips For Helpers

[Joe Buck]

 
 
Tips For Helpers
The phrase "persons diagnosed with mental illness" is too long and cumbersome. So, I'll use the word "consumers" instead. (It's short for "consumers of mental health services," another cumbersome phrase.)

Just because someone has been diagnosed with a mental illness at some time in the past does not mean that he or she needs any help or special consideration from you or from anyone else, of course. But here are some tips in case you are a paid or volunteer helper (or family member) in a situation where there are consumers who clearly do need your help:

1.Be helpful, but in a matter-of-fact way. Don't show compassion to a consumer unless asked for it.

2.Be positive, but be careful not to talk down to consumers. Most consumers will not protest if you talk baby talk to them, but this perceived lack of respect is likely to generate resentment.

3.Drop the labels. Words like "disturbed," "crazy," or even "schizophrenic" have no place in a situation where you are trying to help consumers. Rather than using labels, speak of what the person actually did or did not do but, of course, only if it happens to be your business.

4.See How To Handle Someone Who Constantly Interrupts (below)

5.There's a story going around that's attributed to Leo Tolstoy. Tolstoy encountered a beggar one day. He told the beggar, "Brother, I'm sorry, but I have no money -- nothing to give you." The beggar cried, "Thank you, sir! You have just given me a gift far more precious than money. You have called me 'brother'!"

Why not give that gift to consumers, or to anybody you run into, for that matter? Or use a few minutes of your time to listen to their problems, even though you may not actually be able to solve them.

6. Show your love to consumers and non-consumers alike. If you see anybody who looks upset, unkempt or otherwise needy, do not avoid eye contact or rush on by. Just a simple, direct, smiling gaze, and a "hello" if that's your style, can make all the difference between acceptance and rejection.  Trust me; I have been there.

7.  Stand up for consumers.  Give your friends their freedom, but when they make cruel "psycho" jokes in your presence, make it clear how you feel about that. Stick with jokes that make fun of the labels, not the people, or that make fun of yourself, not others.

                                   When Someone Constantly Interrupts
When someone you love interrupts you a lot, it can be extremely frustrating. Try these steps:

1. Sit down together and define "interruption" and "interjection". Sometimes it's necessary to interject something while somebody else is talking. To cut somebody off any other time is interrupting and is rude. In a calm moment (not in the middle of a discussion about something else), make sure that everybody agrees on when it's necessary to interject. Consider all other "butting in" to be interruption.

To get you started, the following things are usually considered necessary interjections:
a. emergency situations. ("Stop! That's a red light!")
b. quick comments on the scenery.
c. quick greetings to passersby.
d. a quick "Me too."
e. clarifications. If you do not understand what your conversational partner is talking about, it's really important to stop him or her and ask right away. If you pretend to understand, you will have to do it forever, and, over time, it gets more likely that your deception will be found out.
f. corrections. If you ask one question and your conversational partner starts answering a different question, it's fair for you to save time by politely stopping him or her and re-asking the question.

2. During conversations, admit your own interruptions, with a quick "Oops!" or "Sorry!" On the other hand, defend your interjections -- gently.

3. When you are interrupted, gently say, "Wait!" or "I'm not finished." On the other hand, be very careful to reward necessary interjections with an, "I'm glad you told me that," or at least with a smile.

4. You will know that things are getting better when you and the ones you love start getting into lively "interjection vs. interruption" discussions. Your loved ones' willingness to debate this with you shows that they care at least a little whether they interrupt or not. If you continue to be a good sport who easily agrees on what fits into which category, pretty soon they should start correcting themselves when they stray into the interruption category


 

[chasemanzmum]

wow deep really deep

[Cathy]

I think that would be useful for helpers, thanks.

[littleharp24]

Thanks for those tips. I've just recently gotten on here to learn things about bipolar since I have a friend who is bipolar. The interuptting part really will be helpful. I know I do this myself but don't realize until my sister corrects me in an embarassing way so I don't want to do the same to my friend. I'm epileptic and after reading or listening to my friend sometimes it seems like we have more and more in common. Again great post! 

[high maintenence]

I also deal with some epileptic issues, littleharp. Alot of the meds that I take are the same kinds that they give epileptics. My meds definitely help with the seizures. You are right, epilepsy is much like bipolar in many ways. I think it is wonderful that you are here gathering info on a friends illness. To me, that makes you one hell of a friend. Not many people care much about us enough to sit down and do the gathering of info. They would rather just take guesses about what is going on with you and gossip about things that they know nothing about. That's why I don't have friends. I have one friend that I have had since high school and I talk to her occasionally, but only occasionally since the surfacing of my illness. She just doesn't understand why I have such a hard time coming to see her, or wanting visitors, or wanting to go places with her anymore. She should just do some research, and I tell her this everytime she asks me what she can do to help me, but, of course, she hasn't done it yet and I've been aware of this illness and it has affected every aspect of my life for 2 years. Things don't seem to be getting better. My mom says I'm getting better a little at a time, but I'll tell 'ya, I just don't see it. I feel just as miserable as I did 2 years ago. I think that she is just hoping that if she tells me that I'm getting better, I will believe it and then there will be improvement. She is the only one, besides my husband that does research on my illness, so they both understand, but the people that you believe loved you, it's a bombshell to you when you find out that they don't even care enough to research your life long, life changing, illness. So, kudos to you for caring so much about your friend. This is surely a good place for you to talk and ask questions on both of your illnesses.

[littleharp24]

Thanks for the compliment High Maintenance. Yes, I understand about the frient part and the friend I am talking about doesn't have many friends either. I think the fact that religiously I believe people need to love friends from the inside out and that I have had experiences in the past with people judging me before asking or finding out about my illness makes me want to look into bipolar. For one thing, I had cancer when I was 2 and this was back when cancer was frightening to others. Like how people misunderstand about aids. My mom tells me how adults would stare or pull their children away from playing with me just because they knew or heard I had cancer.
On another note, I am also interested in learning about bipolar since I watch General Hospital. It's been my favorite soap opera for years and Maurice Bernard who plays "Sonny" is bipolar. In the past they had his character learn he was bipolar. It was really interesting. If you go to his official website you can read more.